First period after D&E

32 days after my D&E my period returned.  I started feeling crampy around day 31 and knew that it was around the corner.  I also had tons of bright red cervical mucus on 8/20, so I assumed ovulation would be 8/21 or 8/22, which means that my period is here, pretty much 14 days exactly after I ovulated.  

I don't know what to feel.  I was recently pregnant; I thought it would be a year before I saw a period again considering I would be breast feeding.  I never thought I'd see my period in September 2013.  

I also can't believe how quickly the body moves on from the pregnancy. With an empty uterus my body just moved on, reset its program and once again started ovulated, preparing for another pregnancy.  How quickly the body forgets, while the heart and mind hold on, desperately hold on.  My period feels like it officially closes that physical chapter of my life, the chapter that will forever be known as the "olive chapter".  But my mind and heart will keep the chapter open, continuously writing and adding chapter after chapter, composing a book. 

I also find some solace in my period, in my body so easily returning to normal.  I know that there are some women who would kill for their period to come regularly, and those who required medical intervention in order for their period to return post D&C or D&E; so I should be thankful.  Part of me is, believe me, some of the tears I cried when I ovulated, and when I got my period were for the fact that my body seems to desperately want to regulate itself.  It seems to be returning to its "before" cycle - and that's more than I could have asked or expected.  I'll be thankful for that gift.

Mind fuck

The actual D&E was on 8/2, and after a week of bleeding, it seemed to start to slow down on Friday.  I was so happy with seeing barely nothing.  I thought I'd finally be able to put the physical piece behind me, along with the fears of losing my uterus.

Then, today, while making dinner, it returns!  And it's the most terrible, awful feeling in the entire world.  It's amazing how a single sensation can send shudders down your spine, cause you to break out into a sweat and drop your stomach to the floor.  It's similar to feeling warmth when you're pregnant, but when you're pregnant you also feel your heart literally stop and fall to the floor.

What a mind fuck.  I just want the physical portion to be over.  I need to put the physical aspects of this hell behind me so I can focus on packaging up the emotional baggage.

Just go away, damnit.  Go away and leave me and my uterus to heal in peace.