I feel like every day I'm greeted by the happy news of others. Engagements, weddings, anniversaries, baby announcements. The stack of thick envelopes on our counter grows thicker and thicker by the day.
But what about MY happiness!?!?!? Why wasn't I good enough for happiness!?!? What did I do to deserve to have my happiness ripped out from underneath me? To have to endure the moments, hours, days, that people only think occur in their nightmares, or to bad people, or to people who deserved to have their happiness stolen from them, like a magician's final trick.
Where are my smiles?? Where are my laughs?? When do the guttural sobs or biting my tongue while tears silently march down my cheeks, when do they stop? When do they make the change over to joy, excitement and happiness?
Why wasn't I good enough for happiness? Why, out of everyone in this world, was it taken from me? From us? When do we start moving from the hell that is statistical significance, to the rest of the insignificant world? When do we rejoin the living???
just wanted to say I'm sending my love & I'm so so sorry for what you're going through. I do keep you in my prayers regularly, & sincerely do hope you will find your happiness. ::hugs::
ReplyDelete-(jordanm24 from TB)
Just wanted you to know I'm reading and thinking of you. I felt the same way after my early loss.
ReplyDeleteYou are good enough. This is so unfair, but it has nothing to do with you deserving it or not - you didn't deserve it. No one does. You'd never tell someone else who lost a baby that they weren't good enough for happiness - so don't put that burden of thought on yourself either. XOXO
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