People keep asking, "How do you feel?".
Usually, I don't feel like answering the question. In fact, I never want to answer the question. It's not a question with a simple answer; and it barely has an answer.
My typical response is, "hopeful."
People must sigh with relief when they hear this response. It's clean, it's cut, and it's dry. People don't have to worry about tears, or an onslaught of emotions for which they are unprepared (and sincerely dreading)
People smile when they hear this response, clinging to the thought that we are looking into the future and perhaps moving beyond our past.
But what they don't realize is...
What other response can I give?
If there's no hope, what is left?
Vanessa, firstly, I send you hugs and love for the loss of your son Olive. The name choice is beautiful by the way. My husband and I lost our first born daughter, Annabella, on July 16th, 2013 at 31 weeks gestation. Your words have been very helpful to read for I have been feeling very much of the same feelings. During this time I have never felt so alone in my life. Yes, we are surrounded by love and support but having such things as these blogs has certainly been helpful for those "alone" moments. I had never imagined this "life" ...a bereaved parent. A whole new world has been handed to us and right now it has all been about trying to find a new normal and finding joy along with the grief..for I think we will always be grieving for the rest of our lives..it just wont be like it is now, we will find joy again...and you put it nicely, we truly have to be hopeful. I guess I had never thought of it that way. But Im hopeful for being myself again, hopeful I return to work, hopeful that I will overall find that joy again..and I will be hopeful for you too : )
ReplyDeleteThis is very true... Hugs.
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